HE 19 之歌（冻结改版）

我很想回到那一天
我很想一切又重演
你们如此完美的一切
竟会出现在我的世界
我回忆不爱回太多篇
但偏在元宵节那一夜
给你们我的全世界
想了千篇对你们的想念
我那时胡涂
不明白为何我会这般
后知后觉以后 领悟
冻结那时间
冻结初遇那一天
冻结那友情
冻结有你们那瞬间
我也会疲倦你们的友情
在我身边 带我穿梭回从前
冻结那空间
冻结有你们的世界
冻结那画面冻结不让它溶解
我若是疲倦 一起的回忆在我身边
发光在我胸前 我们的友情在我身边 陪伴着我过每一天

近来的我

由于回家过年，没能来得及留言。在此说声对不起。今年的新年是我以往过的伤感干的新年吧！虽然很高兴结识了不少新朋友，见回了些老朋友，以及些美丽的误会，但然而却是我过得最伤感，最无力的新年。

年初一，我去了小君的家，把那巧克力交给了她妹妹。虽然她妹妹代她收下了，但不知怎么了，我却回想了我们过往的点点滴滴。让我想起了，那年我们是如何的庆祝情人节。她的笑容，她的呼吸，我依然无法忘记。我常想，如果当初没有她出现在我生命里，我现在会是怎样？大概是个对这世界充满失望与绝望，不再敞开心胸的人吧！我很庆幸我遇见的是她，不是别人。当我那一刻拥抱她，就决定了我这一生的命运。因为有你的笑容和温柔，我得救了。如今是时候我去拯救我眼前的人了，那些似曾相识的背影。当晚我和朋友去用餐，终于让我见到了一个让我认为古晋是如何渺小的城市的一位女生。一个同时认识了我一个小学同学和一位对我而言蛮重要的女性的女生。

第二天，就和他们出去团拜了。正当我认为古晋很小时，却让我发现原来这世界已不怎么大了。总觉得上天很喜欢和我开玩笑，而且是个不断的玩笑。当晚，带了三个刚认识的女性朋友去我家拜年，却让我老爸访问了。真拿他没办法。

第三天也是和中学朋友团拜，被朋友放飞机了，只剩我一个男生，因为中六时发生点事，班上有七十巴仙的女同学误会了我，导致常被她们炸。所以我只好带她们去我家后就不跟了。同样的，我老爸又开始访问了，大概是想转行做记者吧！拜完后就去唱歌咯！又认识不少新朋友。

初四，就带我“女儿”回家拜年，老爸看了后，没访问。如此的风平浪静还是第一次，送完我“女儿”回家后，我也回了。老把就问我几时开始的，原来我老爸认为是我女朋友。哈哈哈！天大的误会。夜晚，和一位朋友出，她却哭了。我也不知道如何安慰她。就安静得听咯！

有太多太多事情发生了，但无法把它们一一说完。就此停写。不知何时还会在写，珍重。

我是怎么了？

最近的我也不知道怎么了？心中觉得很闷，总觉得缺少什么似的。爱吗？我真的放下了吗？我已不向再去想这个问题了。因为每当问自己这个问题时，就想提醒自己曾喜欢，爱上她。如果一直在这样问下去，我都不会摆脱对她的感觉，一直被这个感觉缠绕着。

正当我被这问题缠绕着时，突然........ 今天我朋友突然问我：“情人节快到了。有没有喜欢的对象？” 我突然迟疑了。如果是从前的我，我能很肯定的说依然是她。但我却迟疑了。我却不能回答他这个问题。为什么呢？是不是我对她的爱已渐渐地谈了？我不知道。接着我朋友又问了，是不是那个XXX？”这刻，我又迟疑了。我已不能像从前般的说是与不是了。我变了吗？变心了吗？我真的对她动了情吗？11年间除了对她之外，不曾对任何人动情的我，如今真的对她有了感觉吗？我开始迷惑了。

我做到了，我真的做到了吗？

今天，“她”终于上线了。心中始终有中说不出来的感觉，但也没有不很在乎或不在乎。这也难怪了，一段情说放就放是不可能的事。和她聊了些日常生活的大小事过后，就没聊了。没办法，她今天才刚考完试，也必须让她休息。但如今的我已不是当初那个一遇到她的事就不理会身边发生的一切事件。以前的我大概会和她聊半个小时吧？如今的我却只和她聊不到五分钟。她还问我她新造型如何，我却回答了她说我比较喜欢以前的她，那个没化妆的她，那个真实的她。说真的，无论是那个她，她还是她。经过这次的聊天，让我深刻的体会到我们是如何的两个世界的人。常言道：“爱情”是个将两个不同世界的人合二为一的力量，我却没能到达她的世界。她就好比月亮，会一直绕着地球公转，而我却不是那颗地球。

心

已有好一阵子没在此留言了，2010年的第一个留言却是一个名为“心”的伤心留言。

最近我才领悟到“心痛”，因为我做了选择。一个多年前就该做的选择，而我却迟疑了。虽然感到非常的心痛，但却松了一口气，这大概就是所谓的“放的基石，机会难得”吧！无法不承认，我还是有想她念她，但已没往常般的反复无常。就希望我能让这份感情随时间而淡忘吧！

“心疼”是因为我周遭的朋友们发生了不少不幸的事，而我却无能为力的为她们做点什么。原来世上最痛苦的不是“心碎”，而是我们在乎的人正伤心，我们却无能为力的。只能眼睁睁的看着她掉泪，那种名叫“无助感”的感觉才最痛苦。朋友们的不幸让我察觉到我的“心碎”是如此的渺小，让我察觉到我的人生的挫折是多么的好笑。她们的强颜欢笑只会让我觉得自己很没用，让我的心 疼了，让我的笑容 疆了，让我的思想 乱了。

希望朋友们都别停滞了，人生的不如意的确让我们觉得累了，倦了，我们只能暂时休息，但不可停止不动。人生还得走下去，我们还得相信下去。这就是我们的人生。

忘了的思念

最近好久没在这和大家报告状况了，快一个月了吧！最近都忙于考试，当然现在考试仍然还没结束。最近的夜晚时常下起大雨，点燃我快遗忘的思念。过去的点点滴滴，过去所做的决定，突然间都觉得过去的自己好愚昧，不懂得什么是珍惜。我的执著，伤害了一个对我很重要的人，虽然她与我都不想结束这场恋爱，但我却让她掉泪了。我的思想，伤害了一个对我很亲切的人，在任何时候都注意着我的举动，而我却再一次得让另一个她掉泪了。我的迟钝，让我错过了一个我只要说出口，就能很幸福的对象，而我却如此的迟钝。这几夜，我反反复复得想了好多遍。我恨透了从前的自己，我已不想回去过去的生活了。放手，是我现在唯一要上的一堂课。大家，我们都不许在原地走动哦！要一起向前走。

The lesson i learned on my life

Lately, i kinda remind or so call reflash back some memory of mine. Too many pieces of memory to remember, too much of puzzle need to be solve. But the lesson i had learned from me and my friend, is that when "love" exist, it is impossible that being a friend will be satisfy. We will always asking more than friend when love exist. I think most of the people reading this post know well who i m mentioning. Haha! And another lesson is that it will never be a "friend" when there's no room or no starting for being a couple. When one is being reject, friendship is gone as well as the feeling of "love". Like what i m saying, when love exist, friend just don sound enough. Dont know whether i m searching for new love life or is me who are thinking too much, love is the lesson that i cant get 100% in it.

A good guy?????

I kinda remember back the moment me and my girlfriend went out for a date with her friends. Lots of fun we had and lots of nice memory we had back then, but still her face seems like missing something. Smilling but seems like smilling with no energy. Everytime when i sent her back, just before i leave, she always said: " William, you are a good guy." I though she was praising me, so i return her with a smile and she does it back, but in down expression. I still can't get what she mean back then, so with the following years. Even when we broke up, when i stop by at her house, she still saying the same thing. Last night, when a friend back at UNIMAS asked me for some help, and i do her a flavor. She said the same thing, "William, you are a good guy." After i notice what she said, i kinda remind what my ex gf said. Then i asked her back, " Why on earth i don't have a gf if i realy are the good guy you think?" She explain that i treat all people in a equal good, no matter who they are, girls wouldn't want it that way. Feel likes my good is belong to everyone, not she alone. Back then, i realise what my ex gf want to said. I really felt sorry for her. I don't know that being a good guy can hurt someone we love. This is a lesson we can't get it during class.

神様の手紙

神様、わたしは知ってる、この望みはむりです。でも、わたしはもう見たくない。わたしの愛する人、わたしの友達、みんなの愛する人は死にます。みんなもうがんばった、いてる為に。たから、おねがいです、もういです。みんな好い人です。たから、お願いです。

Life is fragile

Lately, i found that too many ppl around me are facing their beloved's most natural, unpredictable, sad and yet unchangeable of human life cycle ending path, death. I know is hard to accept the truth that they are leaving us but we have to live on the life which they can't and be strong for those who are leaving us. I know it sound easy and yet is hard or almost inpossible to do so at the moment, but "family". "friend" will be always be there for us. I do know that feeling, my grandparent, tuition teacher and some of my friend's beloved, have answer to God's summon. We maybe can't challenge the fate, but it isn't an excuse to sit there and accept our destiny. Everyone of us will face death someday, but till then, we have to stay strong to live, live for ourself, live for those who loved us. Stay strong, all my friend.

After The Trip TO KK

I was too tired yesterday and hardly can wrote my blog after the trip to kk. Although the express sure took long time for us to reach, still we have lots of funs which including, having dinner with a bunch of friends, window shopping, pooling, movie-ing and get to know 2 new friends, Jamie( if i m not mispelling) and shi tao po. Haha! We went for movies back at kk which were the Final Destination and the Murderer. This 2 movies i found the ending very boring and way from my expectation but seeing 1 of my friend so scare till didnt even speak a word after watching the Final Destination, i think is worth it. Haha! Joking. Times fly pass and now me and my friend are back at Labuan, facing a cruel but a true reality, midterm. 3 midterm this week and i think i will KO. Haha!

Lack of Sleeping

This few days, is really a tired and non sleeping days. At first worry about the car that i drove, but that already settle. Second, i worry about you, piggy. I really do. If you are seeing this post, i want to let u know that i will always be there for you, so stay tough. Cant sleep well this 2 days because of you. Worry, worry and still worrying. Thirdly, Frances Ling, heard most news from bee kiet d. Don't just asking whether i let go d or not, firstly ask yourself whether you let go d o not. If u you ask me, i will tell you that i let go d, u? Life full with unexpectable and mysteries. I really hope that the friend around me will full with happiness,although we cant be happy all the time but when that time arrive, that's what friends for. Do take care, everyone.

Bad Days

Stupid me. Today, i m suppose to go and fetch some friends at the airport at 10am something. So, i rent a car starting from 10am. When i reach the car park, i saw the side door of the car was damaged. Stupid me, i should report it to the owner but i didnt as i though the car is suppose to be like that as this is my first time i rent the car from that owner. When i fetch my friend at the airport, my friend still ask me why the door cant open fluently, and i answer her that it is suppose to be like that. Stupid silly me. I am kinda shock when my friend call me on the phone this evening asking me whether i involved in an accident or not as the car was damaged. Now thinking about it, quite worry lo! But based on theory, if i m involved in an accident, it is impposible that i can reach the airport within 15minutes. If it is in the journey back to school, i got 4 other witnesses plus i can managed to come back school before 11am. Arghhhhhhhhhhhhh! Bad mood ah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cant Deny That I m OLD.

Lately, i found that i m really getting old d. Physically nor mentally. Physically, i m having body part ijured such as knee, hand, chest. Mentally, HAHA. No need to mention as i believe most of the person that know me knew the reason i m getting old mentally. Haha! Lately, i really dont know the meaning of "love" and "marriage". Is "love" really exist after "marriage" or only bond together between two person before marriage and after marriage, is so called "bye bye" to love. I get a phone call from my dad today and i m asking my uncle and my aunt case. The situation is getting serious as time pass. I m really thankful that i m not at kuching right now as if the "World War 3" happen, i dont know what can i do and what should i do in order to save my life. Haha! Just hope that the case will settle down when i return or else it will be a another battlefield. It doesnt feel likfe home anymore as full with "boom" "and "landmine." Thats all for today, see you all next time.

My Knee Is Crying With Pain.

Still thinking of my leg is recover d. Who knows? Still crying with PAIN. I have my leg test with having basketball just now and huh!!!! Does still pain. Haha! Guess i will scold by quite a number of people for having my leg do serious heavy exercise. Hehe! Sorry for didnt post blogs this few days due to do assignment at Kota Kinabalu. The assignment is quite challenging, and this was my first time of doing the research with company. Haha! Although the cover page mention it is a 15 minutes Q&A paper, but me and my group member took an hour with the so called "15 min" Q&A. Haha! Not bad for rookies. Me and my group member were having a night at a friend's house. His family is very totally good to us, thanks to his father, we manage to get the interview at teh first place. At here, i would like to say a billion of thanks to him and his family. The express me and my friend took is totally sucks, slow and the weather was stormy out there, it almost took 3 and a half hours to arrive at labuan. Haiz. Feel quite sick back there. Haha! thats all for this few days.

A Painfull Day

Today i went to have my leg fixed dur to the injuries i had since last semester. Huh, it sure to be painfull. Haha! That old man also a "hakka" like me, he was shock to see me again. Haha! He has been asking why my leg still pain as i just hae my leg fixed last month and now still pain at the same spot. He asked me whether i got do some hard exercise or not, and what do u noe? I lied that i didnt but the facts is i do hard exercise on myself as last time when i went for my leg fixed, i had basketball competition the following few days. Haha! How am i suppose to speak the truth? Haha! Oh, do forgive me for lying. Haha! Nothing much today, but i will be going to Kota Kinabalu with a friend of mine for interviewing a company back at KK, hope everything will be going according to plan. Lastly, i wish to say "Happy Birthday" to our friend, Linda Tan. May all the best to you in life.

A rushing afternoon.

Yesterday, i was shocked when i get a call from my group leader saying that our group might having big trouble with the assignment as my group didnt submit member list to the lecturer. It is neccesary to submit it in order to have the sourvenir of our university for appreciation to the company that we interview to have our assignment done. I was nervous when i get the news, so me and 2 of the members went to the office by hope that the lecturer will do us a flavor and let us have the name list submit in last minute. Too bad the lecturer was in the meeting back then. 3 of us have to stay back at he office waiting for him to come back. The office is very totally hot and there's was no air conditional but still we managed to get it after a long whole afternoon of waiting. Huh, luckily the lecturer is a kind lecturer. Haha! Anyway, the 1st step of my assignment has being made. Good luck to all my friend in their assignment.

Crazy Nite

Last night, me and a bunch of friends of mine are celebrating 2 pretty girls birthday at Fisherman back in Labuan. Although some of the friends can't make it to the crazy party of this, but we still had lots of fun or had the crazy stuff done. Haha! This is the 1st crazy party i attent due to the rebirth of the "me". Haha! I like to say that although we still have 5 members of our "gang" short for the party, well, there will always be another chance of crazy. Guess whose birthday is approaching? Haha! Let the answer be in our heart and have a element of suprise. Haha! Woke up in the early of the morning, you there must be thinking me as insane as my class is at 10.30am but woke up at 7am. I just have a weird dream and this weird dream of mine feel so real. i dreamed that 1 member of our gang is leaving the studies as we still only got a year to go. No matter how hard i try to persuade her, still she wanna let go of it. How sad? Haha! Anyway, it just a dream. Haha! Wish my frieds are healthy as a horse as nowadays, new diseases are keep on appearing. H1N1 plus this haze, do take care and have lots of water.

The 2nd Day Of My Brand New Life

HI! Everyone, although not much ppl will drop by. Haha! I feel like changing d as i let go n move forward. I feel more "me", no need to hide myself in the shadow, all what is left just "me". Although not much different with the past, but this "me" is looking forward rather than move backward. I realize this world will be a better place if i can let go of myself rather than let go of her. Maybe i'm stubborn with what i believe in, "love is only single tense." I misuderstanding this term whereby i though love is something we have on a person in our whole life, but now i realize that love is something we have on a person one at a time, not whole the life time. One's can love many person in his/her life, rather than just a person. Trust me, you will end up in a dead end or what we said, a clift. Now, i have a lots of friend by my side, families although we are seperate in distance but we are near in our heart, those are special person in my life. I seek happiness now more than just sit on there and wish for happiness. We may wish for happiness but happiness wouln't come on its own, hapiness is something we seek by creating. Let us cherish the moment we been together.

A Brand New ME.

All this years of holding, make me feel like giving me an excuse of stopping and refuse to move forward. Even though all my friends are telling me to let go of it, me myself won't let go. What m i afraid of? Afaid of changes i guess, i scare that i won't be me anymore if i change. Afraid of the future of my life if i change. Guess this is the end of my fear. At here, i do like to thank to my friends, they never give up on advicing me nor give up on me. Although they some said that they do give up on me, but deep inside their heart they still care about me. It is now or never. I will be a brand new "William" with a brand new world waiting for me to explode. I m totally new. Haha!